Diary of an ADDult

Awesome. Awake at 4.45am on a Monday morning for no reason. Will this shit never end? What a great start to the week.

As someone once said to me, ‘ephedrine…the breakfast of champions’…

OK it’s not actual ephedrine – possession of that without a prescription is illegal.  But legal ephedrine substitutes are available in bodybuilding shops etc and that’s what I have used.  They are primarily used for weight-loss but can give you one hell of a rush.

Since the end of April I have dropped around 5lbs in weight.  Nothing unhealthy about it, I’ve simply reduced my carb intake.  Potatoes, bread and pasta.  My normal diet is pretty restrictive at the best of times as I’m such a fussy eater, this is why I can’t safely remove them altogether.  But drastically reducing them combined with my new running plan is clearly paying dividends.  I’m now around 14 stone 4lb which I haven’t been in about a year and I’m heading towards my 1st target of getting below 14 stone.  My next goal after that will be 13 stone and I’ll be happy with that.  There are also some 5k runs around here I want to complete.  Once I’ve mastered achieved that one, I’ll move on to a 10k.  From there, who knows.

Such a poignant tune.  Full of emotion.  Never been much of a Johnny Cash fan but I respect him and this song is quality.

Oh hell yeah, this heralds his return!

This tune always gets me in a good mood.  Great summer tune and while we’ve got the nice weather I’m going to ‘ave it!

Am I rising already?  I’m actually in a good/positive mood for the first time in weeks and weeks.  I’ve not spent all that time in a bad mood (although I’ve had a few) as some of the time I’ve been in good/destructive moods which probably comes across as aggression  But that’s only because I subscribe to the idea that the best for of defence is attack.  Not aiming the attack at anyone but that’s just me with my guard up.  However now…..I’m happy…and feeling positive.  I’m not apologising for it – we all deal with our issues in ways that suit us.

“You must show no mercy, nor have any belief whatsoever in how others judge you…for your greatness will silence them all”

Are there any life issues that a few episodes of 24 won’t take my mind off for a couple of hours??

He’s calmed down a lot over the years but I’m sort of feeling Eminem’s darker side of about 10 years ago these days.  Been playing this over and over…

Every situation is different of course..

I’m living a life that I don’t recognise.  But it’s the life I’m going to live.  Shall I moan, whine and bitch?  Well of course I’m going to moan, whine and bitch.  I mean, have you met me?  I’ve got to do all 3 but once they’re out of my system I’ll just get on with it.  I don’t have any choice.  Time is running out and I’m not wasting it anymore.

This shit just keeps coming.  That is all.

I will rise again.  It may take a long time, years even.  But in 2 months I will have the tools I need to soar with the eagles.  That’s not revenge or a “one-up” thing, it’s my only option.  And it’s not something I should ever feel I need to apologise for.  Either go through this standing up or on my knees and as sure as hell at my age my knees are crap enough.